I have four cousins who are two pairs of twins. They are
a year or two younger than me. A few years ago, we used to gather in
grandmother’s house and play. The younger twins lived in my grandmother's house
which was near my house but the older twins lived in such a distance. It took
almost thirty minutes to get their house by a car. The older ones loved playing
with us however they looked quite tired before we enjoyed the time. They were
also frowning when their parents come by and say, "We need to go now to
get home before 9" at 8 or 7o’clock. They never felt good to go home
earlier than the others.
And
a few years later, I worked really hard to earn high school permission and
finally got accepted. I was so delightful to prove myself deserves the school.
It was in countryside but it didn’t matter at first. Every student must live in
the dormitory room and could go home only once of two weeks, however it neither
was a big deal. The school was pretty nice. Parents weren’t there who always
nag at me, joyful life with my friends were waiting me, food was good, air was
fresh and water was clean. I soon or later got accustomed to the school. But, I
felt somewhat empty.
While
I was looking for the reason of vagueness, at first I thought I was long for
busy, urban life. Before I entered the school, I lived as an ordinary middle school
student who unconsciously goes to educational institutes after school. Maybe I
am missing the institutes, I thought. Sitting on a desk and listening to a
lecture for three hours a day was quite painful, but still it can be the thing
I long for. But if anyone asks me whether I want to go back to those times, I
would definitely say no.
Then
everyone died. The End
Some potential here. I know it isn't finished, but I have to admit that even three paragraphs in, I am not sure what the essay is "about" with the juxtaposition of the misleading introduction (which seems to be more about twins than how your cousins may possibly have observed a change in your attitude and behavior after entering KMLA - which I THINK the essay might be about). In any case, avoid keeping your readers guessing. Paragraph one should provide a clearer path, but the path you are on seems promising with some retooling.
답글삭제I can't remember what the title was... and I think it is a serious problem! What was it supposed to be??
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